Thanks, 2008.

In response to Nigel's post, here are my top 5 things (I can't think of 10) I'm thankful for this year.

1. High school is almost over, and with that so is the childish drama.

2. Being a part of the very intellectual 5th period lit class.

3. Bonfires bringing the Brigade together. HAHA.

4. My sister going off to college.

5. My job, and how much fun I have there.

~kd.

graded blog posts.

I am not a fan of graded blog posts. They have to be written on specific ideas which leads to many posts generally saying the same things. I liked at the beginning of the year when we were told that we just had to post at least twice a week regarding literature. It leaves a lot more wiggle room for new ideas and less generic, more authentic posts. Those are much more enjoyable to both write and read. 

~kd.

the power of the conscience

Search for motives in Crime and Punishment

In the time leading up to the murder, Raskolinkov was searching for reasons. Reasons for what he was about to do. He found them in coincidences that occurred: over hearing the students conversation relaying the same thoughts he was having, finding out the exact time the old woman would be alone, the ax; it all seemed to work out all too well. That must mean he was meant to kill the old woman. And so he did. But afterwards, it seems he was searching for his motives, to justify what he had done. The certainty he had going to the old woman's house was gone and the impact of what he had done was catching up to him and he need to find sound reasons to attain a peace of mind. In this case he used his own theory he had written as a student. "I merely suggested that that the 'extraordinary' man has the right...to permit his conscience to transgress...certain obstacles, but only if the...salvation of mankind demands it." (249) He believed eliminating the bitter old woman would help their society, and he believed he was superior enough to be the one to kill her. He kept telling himself this, though, but uneasiness would seep back into his head, making him delirious, angry, anxious, and ill, leading him to once again seek out logical reasons that supported his actions.

Raskolinkov is not alone in his search. Everyone wants justifiable reasons for their actions, to tell themselves they were right. The mind is not at ease if these reasons can't be found. The conscience is a powerful thing and controls and affects us, just as Raskolinkov's conscience affected him. Dostoyevsky shows us this powerful aspect human nature through Raskolinkov.

-mr

ironic beauty*

It is no wonder that Razumikhin is secretly (but not so subtly while under the influence) in love with Dunia.  Her beauty is so extreme as opposed to the normal surroundings of St. Petersburg. "She looked quite striking-- tall, wonderfully well built, strong, and self-confident in a way that expressed itself in her every gesture yet did not deprive her movements of their own characteristic softness and grace" (197). 

With being part of a poverty-stricken society, finding beauty is all but simple. Luhzin seems to have found it, however, in Dunia. Both Razumikhin and Raskolnikov aren't having that, though. Both disagree with the newly proposed Dunia/Luhzin marriage. They don't want the only sense of beauty to be lost and taken away from them (regardless of the fact that Dunia is Raskolnikov's sister). 

~kd.

November blues.

I don't like this cold weather.
And I miss the warmth and lazyness of summer.
And whyyyy are they playing Christmas music already?
It's not even Thanksgiving yet.
It gets earlier and earlier every year it seems.
Pretty soon it'll be summer vacation and they'll be like "oh, time for the Christmas music."
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmastime and its music.
But its cold and too early.
And I really miss summer.

-mr

"Forgive me if I look so lonely, it's not that bad"

Do you ever just want to get away? Just be around a new environment, new people, new everything? Just for a bit, to take a break. When it all gets to be too much, sometimes I just want something different. The image of just driving, anywhere, with the windows down and the music blaring, cliched as it may be, is what I think of when I think of just getting away. I don't know why...maybe because that image is synonymous with freedom and letting go of everything for a while, and just driving.

Maybe the stress of applying to college and the same-old, same-old that is high school has gotten to me today and I'm venting. Or maybe I'm just tired. Tired of a lot of things and just plain worn out. Whichever it is, just getting away sounds pretty good right about now.

-mr

ps. Maybe Dostoyevsky got it right when he talked about taking a breath in "some other world, no matter what kind, and even if only for a moment".

The Mill

I have never been so intrigued by poetry... EVER! Since I haven't been performing to my own expectations in the class, I decided to take a risk and tackle the one poem Nigel said would cause the most trouble while analyzing. I thought it would be both good for my grade and my self-esteem. To prove to myself that I could accomplish something that was at first described as a great difficulty, is the best feeling (for me anyways). 

The poem, not just the idea of it, is also very captivating. I'll be telling the class about it tomorrow in class, but I couldn't wait much longer to at least post about it. 

~kd.

BLOG DAMMIT!

I have decided to post on the fact that I'm very frustrated with the lack of blog posts for me to read. I understand that some people aren't as avid bloggers as people such as me, molly, and marc. But, I would really like it if I got to read posts from other people. I check Popsicle Stand at least twice a day, and I'll be lucky if I have one new post to look at. So some of you need to start posting more often (*cough*tylerandchris*cough*)

~kd.

..huh?

Why does it seem that everyone in Crime and Punishment has, like, two different names? Dunia, for example, is also referred to as Avodita Romanovna...??? Is Dunia a nickname, or is there something else I'm not getting?
And also, why does it seem everyone has the same name. I'm pretty sure more than one character has Ivanova as some part of their name.
It takes me a good 3 minutes and 4 re-readings, but I eventually figure everything out. Its a good thing I like this book or I may start to resent it for being so darn confusing. Actually, those things really aren't that confusing in the grand scheme of things. I just needed some clarification.


-mr

Literary Connections

I just made te connection of Hannah Arendt to Crime and Punishment. Arendt claimed that "the trouble is that if the mind is unable to bring peace and induce reconciliation, it finds itself immediately engages in its own kind of warfare" (Between Past and Future).

This is much like the state of Raskolnikov. He has gotten himself physically and mentally sick with the guilt of the murders he committed. 

Just a thought.

~kd

random question.

So I noticed something while reading, and it's probably pointless, but I figured I'd ask anyways.

"What an efficient and ... devoted young man!" (198)

why is there an ellipse in there?

~kd

Rangeley, Maine

I MISS THIS PLACE SO MUCH! I used to go up every summer, but I hadn't in the past five (or so) years. We stayed at in a cabin right on the lake (this picture is not of it, obviously). 

Our favorite pass time was to go "moosing" at night, which is when we travel to go see moose. Although it may not seem all that exciting, it is so much fun and relaxing. 

If you ever have the chance to spend a few weeks up Maine, and you don't mind being away from civilization for a considerable amount of time.. GO! It is gorgeous, and I promise you'll love it.

~kd

NEWSFLASH! (updated)

So I've decided on how I'm going to resolve my problem. I talked to Nigel, and he said that I should sparknote (or something of the sort) so I can catch up, thus not being chronically behind. I was originally trying to avoid this at all costs, because I want to be the one to read it, I don't want someone to tell me what happens. 

In compromise, I have decided that I will sparknote to keep up with the class,  and read at my own pace. That way, I still get to read and understand, but I don't get behind. 

I'm not sure if anyone else is having this problem, but I'd suggest it to others as well. Only if you're having the same problem though. I don't think this should keep you from actually reading though.

~kd

White Branches, Momo Lake

For a college essay, one topic was to write about something that has influenced you (i.e. music, person, art, etc.) I thought about this for a while, and since I really want to go into photography I thought about a photograph or photographer that had inspired me. Automatically, I thought of Ansel Adams. His works are powerful and moving, and I've always loved them. The way he captures landscapes along with everyday objects is ingenues and innovative. The power behind a photgraph of just a tree branch is amazing. It's great. Just great.

-mr

NEWSFLASH!

In case I haven't mentioned before, I read really slow. And when required to read dense Russian literature, my reading speed slows even more. I keep reading, but I'm far behind. And I don't want to skip the parts I haven't gotten to yet just to read the parts that are required for tomorrow. I feel like I'll miss the essense of the entire novel. 

So yet again, I will probably fail the reading quiz because I haven't read that far yet. Don't get me wrong, I AM READING! and I know that's befuddling within itself, since I already admitted to not reading any required books before this year. But believe me, I am doing my work.

~kd

Lear/Rivals

so here i am, trying to fix my paper. apparently, it had too much summary and not enough analysis the first time around. but every time i go to change the summary stuff, i end up putting it back in, in a different way with different wording. 

to me it sounds analytical. but obviously it's not. and i don't know how to fix it. i don't understand how you're supposed to analyze something without stating what it is you're analyzing. 

according to the critique from class the other day, my first three body paragraphs are all summary. but i'm not seeing the summary. so i don't understand what i'm trying to fix right now. 

this is so frustrating!

~kd

yet again

ugh! that's all i have to say. 

i finally finished my government project. but now, i have to go rewrite this lit paper. i'm so tired. and beyond that, i'm getting up at 5 tomorrow morning to go to the gym before school. i need to sleep. and i can't wait to be done with this week.

~kd.

it's been a long day.

My alarm went off at 6 o'clock this (which now is technically  yesterday)  morning with every intention to start my day. But then I decided that because it's a day off from school, I'll sleep in a little. So, I ended up waking up at 7:45. By the time I got myself upstairs, out of my room, it was 8. This is when my day really started. I got all my homework together and dug right in. From 8 until 1:30, when I needed to start getting ready for work, I worked on my government project (and I didn't even get half way through). It was just a four hour work day for me, but that few hours would've been nicely appreciated to use for homework. 

I got home around 6:30 and ate dinner. By 7, I was back to swimming in a deep sea of papers that I shouldn't have put off this long. I wrote my Lit paper and did my calculus homework. I finished that at about 1. I decided that I should probably go to bed. But once I got there, I got a second wind. So I decided that since my project is due on Thursday, I should probably work on it. 

I have now finished another part to my project. Just 2 left. It is 2:22 in the morning. And I don't feel the need to stop yet. So please don't mind me if I start drifting to sleep at school tomorrow.

OH! and to top it all off, I have to be to school early because I have interact club to go to, and I have a math meet at Kennebunk after school. So hopefully I get much more of this done now, because if not, it's going to be a long time before the next time I get to sleep again.

~kd

I'm such a procrastonator

My day so far:
finished, i mean, reviewed the rivals
refreshed on king lear
ate breakfast
tried to log onto that library thing, but couldnt
freaked out
texted kari
created a new account
went on facebook
checked the blog
found my two sources
went for a run
ate lunch
made brownies
wrote my name on my essay
stared at the computer screen
wrote the first paragraph
...and now here I am.

I'm not sure I'm ever going to finish.
-mr

ponder this.

if you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?

why is abbreviation such a long word?

if a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? 

what do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?

if it's zero degree outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

have you ever imagined the world with no hypothetical situations?

if the world is round-- not flat-- then how can a person walk in a straight line?

why do people pay to go up a tall building and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?

raspberry iced tea.

need i say more?

eating babies, killing old ladies

"Kill her, take her money, dedicate it to serving mankind, to the general welfare...For one life, thousands of lives saved from ruin and collapse" (Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment)
Sound familiar? I though so too. Isn't that exactly what Swift's "modest proposal" was? (replace the poor babies with a bitter old lady). As I was reading, I couldn't help but notice the striking similarity. The student in Crime and Punishment who suggested killing the old lady was asked if he would kill her himself. His response: "Of course not! I am for justice..." Swift also claimed he couldn't assist in his own plan either.

Just thought I'd point that out.

PS:
"She said nothing. She only looked at me in silence...Not as it is done here on earth, but there...where they sorrow over people, where they weep, and where they do not reproach, no they do not reproach! Yet it hurts worse, it hurts much worse, when they do not reproach..." (20)

-mr

I can't think of a clever name for this post so I'm just calling it "poetry"

If I remember correctly, Nigel/R-ski/You-know-who-you-are said we were going to be doing a poetry unit, or something of the likes. Just when I thought I was in the clear. Honestly, I don't know if I can handle it. Poetry is not my thing, right there with green vegetables and coffee. I didn't mind writing that one sonnet (and yes, it was about more than just the sea), but I think that's all the poetry I had in me. Deciphering the hidden meanings of a poem is like reading the directions written in Spanish on the back of my shampoo bottle. But don't fret -- I'll give it my best shot.

--mr

Trick or Treating

The interact club at school came up with the idea of a can drive for the holidays. The idea came up from one of the club members (Francesca) regarding trick-or-treating for cans. Although, it wasn't an interact club fundraiser. We just so happened to have thought about it in one of the meetings. The outcome was amazing. Between Aggie and Old Mill, we had more than 6 wagons filled with nonperishable food items. 

Sadly, some donaters didn't get the memo. With a giant can of Campbell's soup walking around with us, they still managed to think that we were asking for empty cans to redeem so that we could give money to local food pantries. Either way, it all went well.

We used the cans we collected to put in the senior box at the school's Halloween parade since it was a competition. Obviously, we won.

The can drive is still going on though. From now until the 12th.

I felt (and feel) so good about what we did because of how many people we are helping. Who ever said community service isn't self-satisfying? 

~kd

The New Swift?

This is going to make me sound like a loser, but I was just looking at bumperstickers on facebook. There's one that has a picture of John McCain and says "Eat the Poor." 

Naturally, I was just like "HOLY CRAP!" because we were just talking about eating poor babies in class. So I felt the need to post about it.

~kd