Thanks, 2008.

In response to Nigel's post, here are my top 5 things (I can't think of 10) I'm thankful for this year.

1. High school is almost over, and with that so is the childish drama.

2. Being a part of the very intellectual 5th period lit class.

3. Bonfires bringing the Brigade together. HAHA.

4. My sister going off to college.

5. My job, and how much fun I have there.

~kd.

graded blog posts.

I am not a fan of graded blog posts. They have to be written on specific ideas which leads to many posts generally saying the same things. I liked at the beginning of the year when we were told that we just had to post at least twice a week regarding literature. It leaves a lot more wiggle room for new ideas and less generic, more authentic posts. Those are much more enjoyable to both write and read. 

~kd.

the power of the conscience

Search for motives in Crime and Punishment

In the time leading up to the murder, Raskolinkov was searching for reasons. Reasons for what he was about to do. He found them in coincidences that occurred: over hearing the students conversation relaying the same thoughts he was having, finding out the exact time the old woman would be alone, the ax; it all seemed to work out all too well. That must mean he was meant to kill the old woman. And so he did. But afterwards, it seems he was searching for his motives, to justify what he had done. The certainty he had going to the old woman's house was gone and the impact of what he had done was catching up to him and he need to find sound reasons to attain a peace of mind. In this case he used his own theory he had written as a student. "I merely suggested that that the 'extraordinary' man has the right...to permit his conscience to transgress...certain obstacles, but only if the...salvation of mankind demands it." (249) He believed eliminating the bitter old woman would help their society, and he believed he was superior enough to be the one to kill her. He kept telling himself this, though, but uneasiness would seep back into his head, making him delirious, angry, anxious, and ill, leading him to once again seek out logical reasons that supported his actions.

Raskolinkov is not alone in his search. Everyone wants justifiable reasons for their actions, to tell themselves they were right. The mind is not at ease if these reasons can't be found. The conscience is a powerful thing and controls and affects us, just as Raskolinkov's conscience affected him. Dostoyevsky shows us this powerful aspect human nature through Raskolinkov.

-mr

ironic beauty*

It is no wonder that Razumikhin is secretly (but not so subtly while under the influence) in love with Dunia.  Her beauty is so extreme as opposed to the normal surroundings of St. Petersburg. "She looked quite striking-- tall, wonderfully well built, strong, and self-confident in a way that expressed itself in her every gesture yet did not deprive her movements of their own characteristic softness and grace" (197). 

With being part of a poverty-stricken society, finding beauty is all but simple. Luhzin seems to have found it, however, in Dunia. Both Razumikhin and Raskolnikov aren't having that, though. Both disagree with the newly proposed Dunia/Luhzin marriage. They don't want the only sense of beauty to be lost and taken away from them (regardless of the fact that Dunia is Raskolnikov's sister). 

~kd.

November blues.

I don't like this cold weather.
And I miss the warmth and lazyness of summer.
And whyyyy are they playing Christmas music already?
It's not even Thanksgiving yet.
It gets earlier and earlier every year it seems.
Pretty soon it'll be summer vacation and they'll be like "oh, time for the Christmas music."
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmastime and its music.
But its cold and too early.
And I really miss summer.

-mr

"Forgive me if I look so lonely, it's not that bad"

Do you ever just want to get away? Just be around a new environment, new people, new everything? Just for a bit, to take a break. When it all gets to be too much, sometimes I just want something different. The image of just driving, anywhere, with the windows down and the music blaring, cliched as it may be, is what I think of when I think of just getting away. I don't know why...maybe because that image is synonymous with freedom and letting go of everything for a while, and just driving.

Maybe the stress of applying to college and the same-old, same-old that is high school has gotten to me today and I'm venting. Or maybe I'm just tired. Tired of a lot of things and just plain worn out. Whichever it is, just getting away sounds pretty good right about now.

-mr

ps. Maybe Dostoyevsky got it right when he talked about taking a breath in "some other world, no matter what kind, and even if only for a moment".

The Mill

I have never been so intrigued by poetry... EVER! Since I haven't been performing to my own expectations in the class, I decided to take a risk and tackle the one poem Nigel said would cause the most trouble while analyzing. I thought it would be both good for my grade and my self-esteem. To prove to myself that I could accomplish something that was at first described as a great difficulty, is the best feeling (for me anyways). 

The poem, not just the idea of it, is also very captivating. I'll be telling the class about it tomorrow in class, but I couldn't wait much longer to at least post about it. 

~kd.