Creatures of Habit

"The getting out had in itself become the chief business. But he had realized that he could not keep this up much longer, and today he was afraid. He was aware that his routine was about o break up and he sensed that a huge trouble long presaged but till now formless was due. Before evening, he'd know.

Nevertheless, he followed his daily course and crossed the lobby."

--Seize the Day, Saul Bellow.

Wilhelm is the typical man: bored and in a sense unsatisfied with his life, but too scared to change it. His life has become a ritual. Everything happens as expected, at specific times, one event right after the other. It's like living in a constant deja vu. We've all done it; felt like we've done something totally bizarre before that we are sure we've never done. But life is habitual, and humans are creatures of habit. 

~kd.

"a gentle indifference"

"What really counted was the possibility of escape, a leap to freedom, out of the implacable ritual, a wild run for it that give whatever chance for hope there was. Of course, hope meant being cut down on some street corner, as you ran like mad, by a random bullet. But when I really thought it through, nothing was going to allow me such a luxury. Everything was against it; I would just be caught up in the machinery again."
-The Stranger, Albert Camus

Meursault stopped having hope, or allowing himself to hope, while he was in prison awaiting his death. Hope meant allowing himself to imagine his life if he were to live. Outside his cell, on the beach, with Marie. But that didn't matter. What mattered was whether or not they came to get him at dawn the next morning.


-mmr

Prufrockian Poetry

Since I didn't get to read mine in class, I decided to post my poem.

Slower than Slow

Let us go then, let us walk

With one last thought, one last talk

Within the confounds of these walls

"Please just stay" no one calls.

My life is changing,

Hopefully for the better.

I knew it was coming, ever since

I got the letter.

My last steps toward the door, slower than slow.

When I open the door

The future will lure

Me out of the past. 

The anxiety inside me better not last.

Unphased underclassmen go by and go by,

And all I want to do is cry.

As I leave one building, another awaits

Hesitant to go, but it is my fate.

I feel trapped, almost jailed

But I'm supposed to be free 

Surrounded by these people

Who just aren't like me.

Sophisticated, but a bit too cold

A little stupid, too loud, too bold.

As I grow older, I keep building a bond

With those I first envied, but now I am fond.

Unphased underclassmen go by and go by,

And all I want to do is cry.

Go back to the beginning but add four more years

Again through the cycle, again come the tears.

Another graduation, 

Another revelation.

Moving on and living life

Seems to bring so much strife.

But there will be time

To make a dime. 

In it, integrity may be lost

We all ask, "Is it worth the cost?"

And there will be time

To create and destroy crime

Time to condemn and punish ideals

Time to hide what time reveals.

I am not Cordelia, 

Nor do I want to be.

Neglected and abandoned--

No! That's not for me.

Ostracized for my word and thought

I stand by them no more nor less

Than I ought.

Will it be worth it,

To go for longer than just a visit?

A step beyond the door

And the same is no more.

Would it have been worthwhile,

To have bitten of the matter with a smile?

I grow old... I grow old...

I finally realize my future is my gold.

~kd.

V-day bashing.

The only cute thing about valentines day is this little story:

So my cousin Chloe, who is six, was showing me her Valentines she made for her class (oh the days of mandatory valentines for everyone). Batman for the boys and Hannah Montanna for the girls. She showed me the special one she made for her little crush, Owen. It had three sticker hearts and said "I love you". I told her that was so cute, and she asked me if I wanted to see a picture of him. She showed me and I said "Ouu Chloe, he's a cutie." Her response: "YOU CANT LOVE HIM TOO!!"

I guess what I'm trying to say is Valentine's Day is stupid unless you're six and have a crush on a kid named Owen. Other than that it's just annoying...

--mmr

Prufrock and Other Observations

For tomorrow's class, we are assigned to read T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." When talking to Nigel about what the poem actually means (which was hard for me to get right away), he gave me a poem that we'll be reading tomorrow. It is much like the assignment we are about to get, rewrite "Prufrock." It's called "Other Observations" by Connie Cooper, and to be completely honest, I find it more interesting, more endearing, and way easier to read than its origin. 

It's probably my new favorite poem. This one line sticks out in particular:

"Time to condemn and punish ideals,

Time to hide what time reveals"

I'm kind of excited to write my own version, especially if it comes out as good as Cooper's

~kd